Lincoln has something that I envy; natural authenticity.

His approach to life is extremely black and white in a shades-of-grey world; what you see is what you get. And I don’t think that will ever change.

In some ways it is becoming easier now to present a version of yourself to the world, including those close to you, of how you want to appear and not as you actually are in the present moment. To instead offer a more palatable, acceptable version that keeps true feelings hidden and helps us to fake it until we make it with our emotions.  

I wonder if there are a multitude of reasons for doing this; classic stiff upper lip approach; comparing ourselves to those we feel are ‘worse off’; fear of being judged as complaining or of showing weakness; not wanting to actually throw out-there certain thoughts that have been locked safely away in our head.

This is how I became somewhat of a social chameleon. Myers Briggs (and most people that know me) would probably put me in the ‘extravert’ personality trait category. But I believe I am in a group of people that have learned ways of being extravert to hide or play down their introversions. I found a phrase for this recently; being an Ambivert. That is, being able to show extraverted characteristics when we feel the situation requires it. It can be quite exhausting and I am empathetic with the true introverts who find many situations difficult and draining.

You can’t fake a feeling with Lincoln. He seems to wear spectacles that see though any mirage of peoples’ emotional projections. Somehow, this inquisitive little 7-year-old can detect your actual mood. And if he can’t quite figure it out, he will simply ask you on the spot. He peers through his long hair and over his orange glasses with a quizzical look mixed with a gappy grin and ask you directly “You happy??”

I have learned to just be real with Lincoln when he poses me this question, but am prepared that if I reply with anything other than “Yes I am happy”, I will get a variety of follow-up questions demanding that I explain myself as this was not the answer he was hoping for. More often than not, we actually get to ‘happy’ by the end of the exchange due to a huge hug and/or a peck on the cheek from the little guy and his smile shows that he seems satisfied that his work is done.

It’s an admirable mission, and one that I want to replicate. Not the upfront interrogation of my friends until they have given me a suitable answer about their wellbeing, of course (I don’t think I will get away with that, I am not nearly as cute) but consciously cultivate friendships where true feelings can be shared and mutual support offered in those times we just need to keep it real.